A few months ago I posted a blog titled Daddy Issues: The First Man to Break My Heart. The article blog revealed my “Daddy Issues.” I never intended for it to be a cry for help or expected any type of closure; it was simply a story I had to tell. I also thought others could appreciate and relate to my story.
After I published the post and the feedback started coming in, my emotions were all over the place. I knew I had issues but never felt the need to actually confront them. Out of respect, I decided to send my father the post. Visions of him finding out from someone else were just too horrific. Plus, it wasn’t just my business I was putting out there, it was his also.
He read the post. His reaction ranged from being upset to sadness. He had no clue this is how I was feeling, or that I had been holding on to resentment for so long.
Honestly, I wasn’t sure what to expect. I knew it could go one of two ways. He would read the post, see the error in his ways and apologize. Or he would deny he was the cause of my feelings and go on like nothing was wrong. The night he read the post I felt his rage in a simple text he sent. I could tell he was embarrassed and hurt. Worst of all, he felt I hated him and no longer wanted him in my life.
I never intended for my post to come across that way. My goal was to share my perspective on growing up with daddy issues.
After everything settled, we spoke and agreed to meet for breakfast. I’m not going to lie, I was extremely nervous. We rarely talk much on the phone or via text, so I couldn’t decipher his true thoughts. Before our meeting, I spoke to my sister and she gave me some pretty sound advice. “You have to accept your father for who he is and not the man you want him to be.”
Her words were filled with truth. In life and in relationships we get so caught up in what it is that we want the other person to be and how they should treat us. We rarely accept them for who they really are and what they bring to the table.
The day came for us to meet and boy was it emotional. There was a lot to consider. Do I forgive him and move forward? Do I hold on to a grudge and kick him completely out of my life? Truth is I didn’t know how I was going to react or how the conversation would go. He shared how he felt about our relationship and ultimately apologized that things had gotten to this point. Next, we discussed how we could repair our broken relationship.
Needless to say, after the tears and the hugs, I forgave my father. This is pretty big for me. I am always so quick to just kick a person out of my life and move on. Truth be told, I want him to walk me down the aisle one day, to be involved in my life weighing in on big decisions I have to make.
More important, I love my daddy, and I am happy I made the post because I would have gone on harboring resentment towards him.
It has been a few months since I made the post and I can say that we have both made an effort to repair our relationship. We’re taking it slow and steady, putting forth the effort together. For myself, I am extremely proud that I was able to confront this issue and find a resolution. I love my daddy (did I say that already…LOL), and I am happy that moving forward he will be active in my life.